Leo didn’t have a controller; he had a chef’s knife. For the next four minutes, he dashed across his shifting living room, tossing ingredients over the gap where his rug used to be. He threw a sliced cucumber across the room, barely catching it before it hit his TV. When the timer hit zero, he plated the salad on his desk.

A text box appeared on his screen: LEVEL 1: SALAD. TIME: 04:00.

As a college student living on a diet of instant noodles and optimism, he knew better. But his friends were hosting a game night, and he was the only one without a copy. He clicked.

The apartment groaned, the furniture slid back into place, and the oven turned off. On his monitor, a appeared, followed by a message: New Content Unlocked: The Dishes.

Leo looked at his kitchen, which now looked like a hurricane had hit a grocery store. He realized that while the download was "free," the was going to be massive.

Suddenly, his apartment felt like a . The floorboards began to shift, his kitchen island slid three feet to the left, and a pile of lettuce materialized on his coffee table. A disembodied, digital voice—sounding suspiciously like the Onion King —boomed through his speakers: "The Unbread are hungry, Leo. Start chopping."

Leo stared at the flickering link: .